The number of people succumbing to stress has reached alarming proportions. According to the Mental Health Foundation website (www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/S/stress/), 13.3 million working days per year are lost to stress, anxiety and depression. Mental health generally seems to be a matter of increasing concern, particularly as there seems to be insufficient funding for its treatment. When there is a high-profile casualty, such as Zayn Malik, one becomes more aware of its prevalence.
Stress seems to be closely connected to 21st century lifestyles and life choices. There is a world of possibilities all around us, and the pressure seems to be that 'because we can, we should' - and if we don't, we are either boring, unadventurous or weak. Much of this has to do with the massive increase in computer technology which opens up an infinite variety of possibilities and makes the workplace a much more challenging place to be. Because things are possible they become essential. We are losing the ability to make wise, sensible choices based not on what's possible but on what's right and necessary for human wellbeing.
Two words or phrases have struck me of late in this connection. First, there was Jean Vanier (Founder of the L'Arche communities, and just this week awarded the Templeton Prize) who gave a lecture in London entitled 'Why the strong need the weak.' This was an address about 'the common good', and Vanier's starting point was the question 'what makes us human?' He pointed out that among the fruits of the Spirit is 'patience' - a quality rather lacking in today's world but which is essential for our common humanity, especially in relation to those who are physically or mentally weaker than ourselves. The 'strong' benefit when they are required to slow down, to notice those around them, to be less driven, to be in community.
Which leads me to a term I heard only recently, but apparently has a growing currency: 'self-compassion'. According to Dr Kristin Neff, this has three elements:
- self-kindness - the ability to take care of oneself, not to judge oneself too harshly, nor to dwell on one's failures or short-comings
- common humanity - to recognise that failure, pain, weakness are common to all people so we not only need not to feel inadequate but, still more, to see it as our responsibility to care for others who are struggling.
- mindfulness - a fast-growing movement, particularly in highly stressful situations, which uses Buddhist meditation techniques to centre on the present moment: neither regretting the past nor fearing the future. There are both Christian and non-religious versions of this.
During Lent, we have been thinking about the mercy of God and we have shared lots of stories about times in our lives when we have been rescued from situations beyond our control, or restored to life and health out of a time of desolation. More often than not, 'mercy' is a divine quality mediated to us through other human beings. But there is also an element of personal responsibility here, and the choices we make. Because we can, does not mean we must. 'Hardening of the oughteries' is definitely a common dis-ease!
In the autumn of 2007, I was myself signed off work for 3 months with 'stress'. This was put down at the time to bereavement, following my father's death and a 72-hour vigil at his bedside, with hardly any sleep. Our much-needed summer holiday had been lost, following several months of ridiculously long hours at work. Essentially, I was exhausted - physically, mentally and spiritually. Of my many recollections from that period, I remember one recurring mental picture. It was of a devastated landscape, ravaged by some kind of natural disaster, where everything had been flattened: buildings, crops, walls and fences. I remember thinking clearly that what was needed was to rebuild the boundaries, to put up fences (not walls, which are immovable), in order to demarcate the areas which needed attention. So began a long journey towards creating a kind of mind-map, and some new disciplines which enabled me to foster a healthier, less stressful lifestyle. Giving myself permission not to work so hard - exercising self-compassion! - was key to this.
By God's grace and mercy, and the kindness of my doctor and those closest to me, I got back on the road. I hope Zayn does too - but he will have some hard choices to make.
